Can't
by PicturesTrilogy
Summary: Edward leaves Bella shattered. One-shot. Just my way of getting back into the writing groove. Continued possibly..?
1. Chapter 1

It seemed to be a normal day. When I stretched and opened my eyes from slumber, I felt the chilly breeze of the window. It was summer, and not that out of character though. But still, it was out of character for Edward to leave it open. Next to me, was the empty space that I always wake up to; Edward has already left for work. Today, though, there was a black rose and a note on his pillow.

_My dearest Bella,_

_This is hard. So Very hard. I want to start out by saying that I love you more than anything in the world. Words can't describe how much I love you. You put a smile on my face everytime I see you. Your incredible, indescribable, and just amazing._

_That being said, the smile that you put on my face disappears when your gone. Lately, I've been dragging myself through even the smallest of tasks. Ever since Carlisle died, I haven't been myself. I know that was nearly four years ago, but I still wake up thinking he's still alive, that I will see him at work. And when I remember he's dead, god, Bella, it kills me. I wanted to tell you about this sooner, but I couldn't bring myself to do it._

_Today, I decided that I can't do this anymore. I'm taking my life, Bella. Don't cry for me though. It's honestly the best thing for me right now. And never ever think that this was your fault. I love you beyond words. _

_Bella, love, whatever you do, don't look out your window. It seemed like the only way to go. We live 43 stories up so I know it will work. I don't want you to see me like this; I want you to remember me as a happy person._

_There isn't much I can say to keep you from grieving. Just know that this wasn't to hurt you. If there was another way, I would have done it. But I need to be with Carlisle. After Esme died 6 years ago, I thought it was the end. It was him that helped me through it. But now he's gone and no one can help me get through it._

_Go on and live your life my sweet Bella. Marry another man. Forget about me. I was never good enough for you anyway._

_I love you always,_

_Edward._

No. This isn't happening; he can't be dead. Tears found there way down my cheek. My legs felt numb; and I wondered if anyone had found him yet.

I sat there for hours, with no thought at all. Some time during the day I heard sirens; they had found his body. To them, it was a dead corpse. To me, it was my soul mate, my other half that they toted away. Finally, as the sun set, I managed to pick up the phone and dial Edward's sister, Alice. She lived all the way across the world with her husband, Jasper.

It rang loudly in my head for a few moment, and then I heard Alice's voice come over the line. "Hello?"

"Alice...I..." I broke down, sobbing hard. This can't be happening; this isn't happening.

"Bella? Whats wrong?" She tried to keep her wobbly voice steadfast. I cried harder. "Bella, sweetie, calm down. Where's Edward? Can I talk to Edward? Is everything alright?"

I swallowed for a second, trying to make sense of my jumbled thoughts. I didn't know what to tell her, what I _could _tell her.

"Bella, sweetie, why don't you let me talk to Edward?" She was soothing with every word. It just made this harder.

All I could manage to say was "Suicide".


	2. Chapter 2

Hey guys! So I know I said this was going to be a one shot, but the idea of continuing it intrigued me. So, we'll see what happens.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Plain and simple.

* * *

Dark. Desolate. It was as if the world loved my pain. The only man who ever truly loved me, was gone. He left me like I wasn't enough for him, nothing more than a stop in his life. And the part that hurt the most was I think I always knew I was never good enough for him. From the day I met him, I wasn't quite good enough. I never would be.

I fooled myself, I did. Those long business hours every night. Somehow, they seemed so much more believable when he told me. And when he arrived at three in the morning smelling like some girl, I told myself I was imagining things.

I haven't moved from my side of the bed the last three days. Things like eating, drinking, socializing seemed to no longer matter.

I was woken out of my abstraction when I saw headlights in the window. They lit up my entire world, and it was if I knew I was to go outside. I got up, the room blurry and undecided, and made my way to my door. Opening it, I walked out into a dark alley. I met a pair of deep green eyes and a mess of bronzy hair.

My entire being seemed to try to draw me into him. I wanted nothing more to melt into his arms and never leave. Rain struck down on me, beating me, making me shiver. He stayed there for a moment, then stepped forward and I found myself in his arms, the place I wanted to be.

Pain. An unbearable pain emerged. It was neither crippling nor satisfying. Yet somehow, I couldn't find it in me to stop it. It was if I wanted it. Subconsciously, I think I did.

I loud noise penetrated all. Something angry, harsh. Everything was spinning. I couldn't feel his arms anymore; I couldn't feel anything. Everything was blurry, and nothing made sense. It was as if I was gone.

* * *

Edward POV

(2 years ago)

Her brown hair wasn't _hers_. She didn't smell like _her_. She didn't remotely even resemble _her_. Yet I found myself drawn to the idea of her. She wasn't something I could remember; her name had already left my mind. But as I kissed down her neck, I couldn't help but to imagine that it was her.

I heard her moan. It was different, possibly in a good way. Soft music floated in the background. I tried to tell myself that this was easier than the first time. I still remember that night, and it seems no easier now. Everytime that I hook up with some random girl, I find myself looking back to Bella.

It wasn't very long ago that I met Bella. Just over two or three years, I think. She wasn't like the other girl that I knew. Somehow, my eyes didn't allure her. My hair didn't tempt her. My very being didn't make her heart race. That was why I liked her. I liked the hunt, the challenge. I liked never knowing what she would do.

I was never one for normal you could say. I wasn't the dinner and movie guy. I didn't need to be him. Girls didn't care what we did, as long as we didsomething. And I used every single girl before Bella. Maybe I even used her a little bit. But I knew it was different with her, it was from the start. Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I see the alley that we met in. I see the way her hair flew back as she hurried along through it; it was as if she didn't want to be there. Peculiar to me, but not unusual. I have always felt safe in darkness. Nobody sees your flaws there.

There was something magical about that night. It was as if I knew that she was the one who would have control over me when I met her. My heart raced at the mere sight of her. It was different with her. It always was.

Now, as whatever her name is tried to seduce me in, I found myself disgusted. How could I do this to _her_? It wasn't easier than the first time. If anything, it was harder. But I carried on. For my sake, I wanted Bella to wisen up and leave me. I wanted to forget what I did to her that night.

* * *

Alice POV (Present Time)

Something was wrong.

I knew it the moment Bella called me. She wasn't one for emotion; she had been reserved from the day I met her. Hearing her, hearing her shaky voice made my heart race. Something had happened; Something very wrong.

The second she said suicide, I knew it had to be Edward. There was no one else that could make Bella upset like he could. Honestly, I don't even know of any friends of Bella's. She works long hours at home, and when she isn't working, she is writing. Its like he keeps her away from the world so she will be all his. It's sick, really. But she hasn't know anything besides that and to her, it was normal.

"Japser," I whispered, gently shaking him. He grumbled and pulled the covers back over his head. I could've sworn I heard something about a giraffe. "Jasper" I shook him harder. "Jasper, get up. Something's wrong. I think Edward...I think he's hurt." I couldn't bring myself to tell him fully. He slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes in the process.

I was already up and moving. "Grab you coat" I called over my shoulder while he sat on the edge of the bed looking confused. "Call the airlines and get us tickets to America, as close as you can get us to where Edward and Bella live." He remained in the same state. I was whirling around the room, throwing as many things as I could find into a suitcase. "Where's my toothbrush? I can't find my left shoes either." I looked at Jasper, still sitting on the bed, as if he wasn't awake. "JASPER!" I shouted, probably waking up our neighbors. This seemed to snap him out of it.

"Alice, honey, calm down; I need you to relax. Why do you think we have to go there tonight? Can this not wait till morning?" He still sounded like he was asleep.

"No! Jasper, let's go. Now!" I was panicking. Everything seemed to be overwhelming. Jasper stood up, walked across the room towards me, and grabbed my shoulders.

"Alice, listen to me, I need you to tell me what is wrong. I need to know now." I looked up into his deep blue eyes and thanked God that I had him.

"I think... I think Edward may have tried to kill himself. Bella needs me. I need to know if Edward is really gone. And we need to leave tonight" It came out a jumbled mess, but Jasper understood me. As if he knew what I really needed, he pulled me into a gentle hug.

"I'll call the airlines" He murmured. I still don't know what I would do without him sometimes.

* * *

Bella POV

Light. White light. It hurt, too. Somewhere, I heard a beep. There were some noise, people talking maybe, and another beep. It beeped again. I tried to open my eyes, but they felt heavy.

"Guys! I think she's waking up!" Some voice far too loud said. They weren't talking about me, where they? "Bella, sweetie, can you hear me? Can you open your eyes?"

I opened my eyes carefully. Above me was a small figure, which seemed far to intrigued with me. Surely there was something else she could stare at? I wasn't near as interesting as, say, the wall, or a cat.

"She's awake!" The figure shrieked. My brain seemed to tell me this was Alice. But as for where I was? Well, I was on my own for that one.

"Get a cat" I murmured softly, wanting to drift back from where ever I was before. Anywhere where it wasn't so damn bright. Some where they're isn't an annoying beeping in the background.

"Nurse? Nurse! Why isn't she waking up?" Alice seemed far to overexcited. Where was Jasper when I needed him? He's the one who's supposed to keep her calm.

"Alice" I managed to croak out, which quickly shut up the room. "Shut up. Please" I heard a quite chuckle from the back of the room. Jasper. I tried to sit up, but my arms seemed to be useless. I felt hands under me, lifting me up.

"Honey? How do you feel?" I opened my eyes again to see a lady with a kind, aged face in front of me. A nurse, most likely.

"Good?" It came out as more of a question that a response. She laughed, and told me to sit tight while she collected some medicine for my head. It was then that I realized that it was seriously pounding.

And, of course, they're is that annoying beeping.

"Where am I?" I looked around my surroundings and saw mostly white; everything was stark and cold feeling.

"A hospital, Bella. Do you not remember what happened?" Alice urged me gently, and I thought as hard as I could.

I remember rain. Very hard rain, I think. And sharp eyes. Green? Yes, green for sure. And wild messy hair...

"Green" I pronounced slowly, surely. "Green eyes. And wild hair…" I trailed off, not knowing what else to say. I couldn't remember anything else.

I saw Alice's hand flitter toward her bag, and then pull back. I wondered briefly what was in there. She looked up at me, meeting my eyes. The urgency there made me want to remember what happened. But all I could see is those green eyes.

"I would like to speak to my patient, if you guys don't mind" I tall, brown haired man walked in. Alice squeezed my hand, dropped my gaze, and then left the room with Jasper. "Bella, do you remember what happened?" I looked up into his deep eyes, and saw innocence and youth written all over his face.

"Not really" I admitted. He nodded, as if he expected this. Your friend told me that she found you near where you live. I have a pretty good guess as to what happened. I think you had a stressed induced hallucination." I nodded, urging him to continue. "In reality, you managed to make your way down the stairs, out your building, and two or three blocks over when you finally passed out in an alley. You're lucky, actually. Being alone, defenseless in an alley in New York... well, it's just asking for trouble."

"Was I..." I couldn't bring myself to say it.

"Raped? No, we ran a few tests to make sure. You have a couple of bruises on your head from where you fell, and probably some sort of stress related disturbance in your brain that caused the hallucination. We will keep you here for a few more days to monitor your levels, and then you can go. I suggest you see a therapist also. Something as tramatic as this can have long term affects on people if not treated immediately. If you need anything, ask the nurse for me, Jacob. Don't call me doc, it makes me feel old." He gave me a big smile, and stood up, heading for the door.

"And Bella?" He said, stopping at the door, "I really suggest you don't go home. Not for a while, at least. Memories... well they can do more to us that we think they could" He walked out, leaving me to wonder if he was talking from experience. Suddenly Jacob didn't seem so…innocent.

* * *

To clear up any confusion, after he hallucination of Edward, she has no memory of him or what happened at all. The story is going to be about her remembering, and what that entails for her. I hope you liked it so far! Review please!


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